Post by EMS on Jun 13, 2017 11:45:10 GMT -8
Lail
Capitol
36 years of age
Male
ThomasTime and time again life has pushed me down. Growing up mother and father swore I was never good enough. Every single day when I walked into the living room of the house, they glared at me telling me I was just a mistake. A person who didn't deserve a chance at life. I was only a boy. A young boy, and it crushed me deep. It shattered my very being until nothing more than a shell remained. I always saw how the people of the Capitol lived, and I wanted to live like them. I grew up in the very streets I walk today. I rebelled against my family. I made my own way through life, but the words of my parents continue to haunt me. I'm not good enough for anyone, but one day I will prove that I am. Determination carried me through my teenage years. It got me through school. It got me a job working as a structural engineer. Designing buildings was fun. I loved it more than anything in the world. It's perfect. But I wanted more. I wanted a chance to prove my parents wrong. Showing them I'm more than what they said I was, and maybe I'll figure out a way to do it.
But as I crawled through the ranks of working as the low man on the totem pole, I quickly realized how fun power can be. People before me would brag about how strong they were, and how much they enjoyed leading the ranks. For the longest time it pissed me off, but soon I realized I would rise. More and more buildings were made, underground tunnels constructed, and before I knew it people were coming to me. They were asking me for advice, and I willingly gave it to them. Sometimes it was wrong, but other times I pushed them in the right path. It was mine to take. Mine to lead. Mine to determine the fate of, and as they failed, and kept failing, they realized that I am the one they needed to follow. And before I knew it I was almost to the top.
And then I had a family, I got married, had a kid of my own. But she fell ill, and I couldn't leave work. Some told me I didn't care for my daughter, but I loved her more than anything in the world. All I could do was hold her hand as her life fled from her body. One breath after another. She struggled, and I sat agonizing in the corner with tears streaming down my face. Her mother, my wife decided I wasn't good enough, and she took off leaving me behind. I never heard from her again, but I sat with my little girl begging her to live. My pleas fell upon deaf ears, and if I had believed in a god, that moment showed me that not a single one exists. I gave up hope, but I went to work the day Lilian was buried. I had to do something, I had to look at the world around. Trying to find another sense of hope. A sense of structure. Anything to scratch the surface away. It was never enough, and even to this day it never will be.
I have since stopped caring. Every emotion but anger has left my body. Happiness doesn't linger inside me. A smile hasn't spread across my lips in such a long time. A broken heart pounds inside a frail chest telling me to give up, but a man can never fail. I must live my life the way Lilian would want me to. Holding my head up high as I continue working my way up through designing buildings and keeping myself and my sister alive. But it felt like all hope was lost as the anger boiled rapidly inside me. Mirrors were broken, windows smashed to pieces. Every night blood trickled down my hands - I wasn't good enough. My parents were right. I failed at everything. I've been a mistake since birth. I shouldn't have entered this world. Peace would surround those who cared if I would've just died in the wound. Lilian wouldn't have suffered. Carlita wouldn't have left me, and maybe the world would be a better place.
But maybe, just maybe my life would one day turn around.
It was in the darkest of hours I heard of a mazemaker position opening, and deep inside I knew this was what I wanted. A chance to show that I'm not a mistake, and that as an engineer I can create the best maze anyone has ever seen. It's a chance to take out my anger in a healthy way. A chance to show the world, and my family that I am better than they ever gave me credit for. This is the moment worthwhile. A moment my daughter would've lived for. Lilian taught me a lot in her few years of life, and I'll keep her alive by smiling and doing things that make me happy. I filled out the application and turned it in, and before I even reached my home I had a message waiting for me. I cracked my knuckles as I glared at my reflection in the mirror - this is it. This is the moment I've been waiting for.
I tug at my scruffy beard before I reached out to send a message to my sister. I put on my best jacket, and I straightened my tie. I have to clean myself up. I scrubbed the dirt and grime from my face leaving it red and raw. I've combed my hair for the first time in ages. My blue eyes glare back at me, my once yellow teeth have turned white again. Scrawny fingers run through my dark, shaggy hair. It took several showers to rid the oil that plastered it to the top of my head. I narrow my eyes, and allow myself a chance to breathe, a chance to control myself. The world has controlled me for too long, and it's time I take over again. One breath after another, one long stride after another, my long legs carry me forward. Today is the day I rule the world even if it's only for a moment.
