Family is Forbidden // Noelle & Wilma

[Arrow]

Noelle Vangart

    The sensation is eternally strange. It seeps through my skin as though bonding with the very bindings of my blood. Loneliness. I long for the sound of shifting souls turning in their thoughts of night. I miss the mild snoring which brews breaching the mouths of my siblings, of my children. Worry too runs wildly through my insidious imagination as I wonder how they are compensating without a care giver. Are they hungry? Are they uncertain of whether down is up or right is left? Maybe they are absolutely fine and it is only me who is falling further and further into this unavoidable abyss. For their sake, I hope it is.

    Sleep certainly never gives me its shelter and I flee from my fortress of silken sheets. A simple suit made for work outs warps around my body in a brilliant red display. The Capitol truly is the cruelest and most self involved state in existence. I waste no time on pointless pondering and escape my cell of a room. Not a single soul even stands between my path and the elevator designed for my destined descent. Thankfully even the sinister sinner I know as my District partner keeps himself all to occupied in the night to ever actually be on our floor. At least it keeps the peace protected while murder is still illegal. 

    Sweat streams from my skin as I find myself wandering through yet another stimulated situation. Sprinting down a corridor of complete darkness for the first time in minutes I spy a sparkle of light. A sudden shift in the shadows forces me to slide to the exit as sudden pillars protrude from my surroundings. I make it out again with only a couple bruises to berate my skin. I fall flat against the Training Center floor as my pants pierce the quiet of the entire area. I wonder whether I'll ever see their faces again...

    Steps spur me slowly to a seated position as I see a shape emerge from the mouth of the elevator. From afar in the dimly lit dusk of the center I'm uncertain at first who the other wanderer is, my question is soon answered by my own eyes as she draws cautiously closer. I don't smile but my words hold no daggers, I feel only sorrow for the sister of another Runner. 

    "You're Wilma right? I'm sorry about you and your brother. What the Capitol does to families is cruel, this only proves it yet again."

[EMS]

Wilma Monroe

What's the point? Life makes no sense anymore, and yet I'm forcing myself to go through the motions not for me, but it's what Wentworth would want. It would be easier if I stood in the training center alone, but right now I'm at the disadvantage of having my twin. One of us will die, and right now I can't do anything other than keep my head held high. I wonder what mother and father think right now. Are they mourning for us? Hoping one of us will return home? I have no desire to stay alive while my twin brother dies. He's part of me. We've been together since conception, and now we may never be together again.

I don't know what I'm doing, but I carry myself through the dimly lit training center. Eyes dart from one station to another. It's easier when nobody is here, yet these don't bother me. It's best being alone, maybe even distancing myself from my twin;

it's hard looking at him knowing what must happen. I'd give anything to wake up from this terrible nightmare, but it's simply impossible because its a harsh reality. The Capitol doesn't care for anyone, and if they ever pretended to, right now I can shove it down their face that they don't.

I can't live without him.

But I just keep moving trying to find something to do. My heart is heavy, and it aches to even breathe and the maze hasn't even begun. Every step hurts, and as the weapons catch my attention, I feel the tears springing to my eyes.

What if I have to kill him?

I couldn't do it, and would kill myself first. He deserves it more than me. I've lived a good life. Perhaps he can find a second chance and make amends with everything that he's ever done wrong.

But even the weapons can't keep me distracted for long.

"You're Wilma right?" I lift my gaze, and turn towards the girl speaking my name. "I'm sorry abut you and your brother. What the Capitol does to families is cruel, this only proves it yet again."

All I wonder is what does she want? Why pretend to care when it doesn't matter anyway?

I don't have it in me to be rude.

"Yeah, I'm Wilma." My voice is quiet nearly breaking. Two parts of a whole is here, and I'm scared it'll rip apart. But being sorry and accepting an apology are two different things - does she just want to make me sad and find a weakness?

A heavy sigh leaves my chest; "me too." I shrug my shoulders pretending it doesn't matter, but in all reality it does.

"And you are?"

A question is better than nothing.

[Arrow]

Noelle Vangart

    Its easy to spot swirling within the sea of her shattered eyes. Pain must pulsate from every beat of her heart, even I have been adorned with the opportunity of making it back to my whole family, her's will never again be full. Imagining such a fearful fate nearly makes my own heart erupt with emotions I am not at the capability of comprehending. To have to wonder of the wicked worries of maybe murdering a sibling is a sin far too terrible for a serpent to deal. Yet here she was. Somehow she still stands, still manages to breathe despite the inevitable impossibilities devouring every inch of her existence. She still stands yet I can see easily in the radiation of her eyes that she has been shattered and splintered into irreparable pieces by the President's Maze. Although I doubt this girl will admit it, she is broken beyond any chance of true survival.

    Fingers file through my hair as I watch her walk beneath the weakened lights of night. Each word she allows to escape her mouth is a battle I bare witness to, and each is wrapped in a protective layer of precaution. Everyone is always a skeptic in this place, maybe I ought to start trying to be myself instead of being so damn trusting and open. I force the thoughts away as I let her beat her own battles, some things weren't meant to be shared with strangers, yet I never treat anyone as strangers. I almost smile remembering the boys I saved from the streets, they were the best strangers I could have been given to greet. 

    I rise from my silent staring and repay her question with an answer. Unlike most of the members within these walls I see no home for aggression before its necessary for sacrificial slaughter.  "Noelle. I'm from Twelve." It seems like such a short thing today but a soul as shattered as her's has no purpose for any extra kind of extensions, sometimes simple is just simpler. Still, my trusting nature doesn't allow myself to turn away from another who shares some what similar situations. Who knows, maybe she has the potential to become a person whom I can trust with a weapon in addition to my own come the time of the Maze. 

    "You're planning on protecting him, I can tell." My voice is shallow almost being punctured by her own pain as I speak. "I would do the same, if any of my siblings were here with me I would let them live any day over me." I walk over to a nearby station and paint onto my skin the same three symbols I've added each day since being gone, one for each of those waiting and watching a world away. "I can understand and respect such a decision, I won't go after your brother. You have my word." 

[EMS]

Wilma Monroe

I wish I could go back in time and disappear in the books mother and father would read to me to help me fall asleep. It offered me a chance, a breath, something to run away from the real world for just the right amount of time. But here, I have no books. Just the beating of my own heart, the breaking of my own shell. Somehow I still stand, my fragile legs hold the rest of me up without any worry in the world. It's almost like nothing is wrong, yet in all reality, everything is wrong.

I can't hide how I feel, not when I'm an open book. Wentworth is good at hiding his emotions. He can wear a blank mask, but for me my emotions are open season. Anyone ready to hunt down the prey has a chance at easily striking. It's just like being in school again. I was the brains that did our homework, but it was only enough for him to pass whereas my twin kept me out of trouble. Whenever I needed him, he was always there ready to fight. Ready to save me, and now it's my turn to save him. My turn to give back a portion of what he gave to me.

"Noelle. I'm from Twelve."

All I know about district twelve is what I've heard through the screens back home. Rumors spreading about how poor it is, that nobody really lives there, yet she's alive making her way through the center like nothing's wrong.

But I can't bring myself to show respect and tell her it's nice to meet her because it's not. It's a terrible fate, and yet I'm standing before her wondering if it's even worth my time to try.

Yet her words stop me in my track.

A broken heart slams against the ground making me wish I wasn't a damn open book anyone could read. My entire being quivers for only a moment, my hands wrap around my pant leg trying to prevent them from shaking. She says she can understand, but I don't know if she can. I'm here with my twin brother, my entire life, and we both can't survive. There's no possible way we'll have the life we deserve.

"I can understand and respect such a decision, I won't go after your brother. You have my word."

My heart sinks once more. Why would anyone spare my brother? Why would they try to keep him alive when they'll only die if he makes it out of this? She's giving me her word, but a word means nothing. I have to see actions because actions speak much louder than words.

A single tear falls down the side of my face as I struggle to find the words to say;

"I appreciate it more than you'll ever know." I raise a hand to wipe the tear away and try to blink the remaining away; "All I can do now, any of us really, is enjoy the last of the days. Live and love. Laugh. Celebrate."

My eyes drop towards the floor;

"And maybe it'll hurt just a little less in the end."

[Arrow]

Noelle Vangart

    Perhaps the most painful piece of this procession is the fact that she is so strikingly similar to me. In another dimension if the roles were reversed I would be the exact same shattered shape as she is. My mind wills my focus for a moment back to the place which now lies in my past drowned in the dust of coal. I think of my sister singing and my brothers running through the small broken field of primroses. I can still sense the shifting of my sister's song and the spurring breath of the wind. Its only for a mere moment, but I'm home back where I'm worse for wear but alive none the less. Its only for a moment that reality alters itself for me. Its only a mere moment before I'm back in the Center with my similar soul as shattered as the glass of the old shack in the field. There is no escape from this final destination. 

    Liquid leaks from her eyes and my face falls away as a sign of respect. I had no intention of inciting such a reaction out of an already injured host but it appears that it was inevitable from the beginning to occur. My fingers furl and flip over themselves as I wait in silence for her to build herself back up again, to build up her walls for just a little bit longer. Her desires to be a sacrifice in the fire of her brother's survival are certainly more genuine than that of the purest diamond in this city. Her words though do break the silence yet what she speaks I somehow find myself unable to compassionately agree or believe in. That is no way to spend final hours when you've been screwed by a snake, when you've been stolen from your family. But then again, is it my place to say such things to a girl so damaged?

    My words final fall despite whether I want them to or not, at least they remain laced with the sweet strands of truth. "I don't think there is anything that will make it hurt any less. I think no matter which way we meet our end we will instantly think of our regrets, I know I'll have plenty to torment me in my final moments." I finish the features on my arm and do my best to hide the slight stirrings of water within the walls of my eyes. "I want to spend these last days as you say but its impossible. Without the ones I care about here any way I act will solely be a charade. I never wanted to spend my final days this way... I never wanted to die this way, none of us did."

[EMS]

Wilma Monroe

Nothing will make it better because one of us will die, and the other has a chance of dying. I can only hope it's quick and painless, and that Wentworth can go on and live without me. He's always been so protective, and he's never done the right things in life, but that doesn't make him a bad person. I know him more than anyone else in the entire world. I just wish that I was capable of saving him - I'd rather kill myself than lay a hand on him even if it meant me getting out of this maze alive.

Noelle is right.

Nothing will ever make it better. Nothing will change what's happening, and yet I can't bring myself to understand it. It takes so much strength to not break down in front of her bawling my eyes out. Wentworth is the strong one, not me, but I wear a mask trying to hide how I truly feel. I have to be strong for him because without him I'm nothing more than a rusty nail screeching from a door hinge.

This was the last thing, I wanted, and now my worse dream is becoming a reality.

"I can't just go on pretending this isn't happening. It hurts, every second of every single day." A broken heart slams inside my chest clawing at my ribs - I can never make it better. "To think about living a day without my twin by my side is slowly killing me. I'd rather kill myself than live without him. I can't do it. I've been with him before we were born, and one of us has to die. I can't go on. We're two parts of a whole."

I take a deep breath, lowering my gaze as another set of tears stream down the side of my face.

"I just don't know how to go on."